You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
