i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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