I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
