just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
