2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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