Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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