On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
