her vagine was all disorganized.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
