she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
