i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
