did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize