You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How does one acquire holy water?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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