Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
