the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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