3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
