the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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