Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
