we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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