her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
