we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
