Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
