if i can run in heels then i can drive
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
