Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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