Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
