so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
