I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
