HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
