ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
