last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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