Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
