he wants to bone in the snuggie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
