My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
