SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You made out with two different species that night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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