Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
