chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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