If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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