I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We need to get me chipped asap
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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