Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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