no, he came in my armpit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
