Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
