I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
