He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
