I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just google imaged poop.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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