PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize