every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
