Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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