Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
