So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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