i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
