Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
