every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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