The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I deserve this hangover.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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