Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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