dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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