One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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