he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize