so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
