he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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