His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
