whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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