Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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(216): View more from Ohio

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

Fav 28 13865 2497
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(207): View more from Maine

so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

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(214): View more from Texas

The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night

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(478): View more from Georgia

All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."

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(217): View more from Illinois

Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

Fav 10 2395 849
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(760): View more from California

No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.

Fav 1 673 1037
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(301): View more from Maryland

My liver is screaming fuck you right now.

Fav 0 66 12
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.

Fav 0 14 41
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