and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
