After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
