Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
