we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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