it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
