Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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