So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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