So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
