my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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