you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
