I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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