porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize