sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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