What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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