The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
