dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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