he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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