I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
