1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
