honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
