I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i believe in u and ur pee
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
