i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
