it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
