Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You pole danced in your parka.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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