I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need a beard to bite.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
