I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
