you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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