1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
