My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
