Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize