I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
