Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
