I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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