atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was CRYING into my vagina
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
