i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
