We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize