How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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