I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
