I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Randomize
