Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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