so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize