I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
