You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
