yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize