As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize