if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
