Barsexuality is the new black.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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