My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
