Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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