Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
