im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
